February 2012
61 posts
Stop making me fat you bastards. :’(
Today marks the beginning of National Eating...
I don’t want to fucking recover. I want to be fucking thin. Cunts feeding me up like a fois gras goose.
bloodstainsandrazorblades:
I need to lose so much weight.
“Without anorexia, I had nothing. Without anorexia, I was nothing. I wasn’t even...”
– Portia De Rossi, Unbearable Lightness (via wintergirlemily)
parafractal asked: BAHAHA. Those Jesus cartoons(?) make me laugh like a crazy person. Nice re-blog. :)
I used to be beautiful. Now I’m just F.A.T
7 tags
Lunch
= hell. Just need to keep telling myself that fat means I get out of here faster. I am disgusting.
11 tags
Weight
All that hard work for nothing. I’ve put on a stone in 2 weeks. It’s rank. I am disgusting. Breakfast and rest period at 8.30. I don’t know if I can be around the other girls, they are so beautiful and thin. And I can actually see how fat and chunky I am. It’s such a waste. I was so pure and could feel my lovely bones. I don’t want to be a healthy weight :’(...
8 tags
W Day= having someone listen to me pee
Fuck, wank, bollocks. I’d lost like .7 of a kg. Shit. I can’t lose Weight while I’m here. Fat = Quicker release. I’m a swollen balloon of fat. And all I can do is eat. They still haven’t assigned me to groups or anything. So all I’m doing is eating and jigsaw puzzles. I’m Sick
Of rest periods and all of that it’s so boring. I just want to go home....
killmesl0wlyy asked: I think you're beautiful, I believe in you and you will get through this.
w-rists asked: hi :) i think you're still beautiful <3 and if you ever need any help, or advice, or anyone to talk to, i'm always here!
graceful-mess asked: I really hope you feel better soon x
7 tags
The worst thing is seeing the changes in my body. I’m so desperate to get out of here that I am coping with the food and the rules and the lying psychiatrists. I need to be back at uni. This place is unbearable. I’m swelling like a flesh balloon. My tummy is fat and foul. At this rate my thighs will be touching soon. Eugh. I disgust myself.
“I think about life and I think about death and neither one particularly appeals...”
– The Smiths (via doeusozinho)
10 tags
They won’t give me my medication. Since march 2011 I’ve had my fluoxetine 20mgs every night. They won’t give me my meds. And they woke me up. I’m not allowed to drink any water apart from at meals. This place is hell. I wish I’d died last Saturday in my own bed. At least it would have been my own choice and easier to cope with than this place. I can’t stay here
ED UNIT
Just arrived at Cotswold house. Full of very thin very unhappy girls so far no one has spoken to me. I’m bored and fed up. There’s no wi fi. Need a dongle or something. Portions very small. Awful emaciated girls sitting around pushing their food round and round and crying. Not sure I’ll be able to take this stuff. It’s horrible. I’m not joking it really is hell....
9 tags
Party on the ward....
Hung out with my girls in the hospital ward! Got a bit rowdy and the geriatrics gave us evils! Awesome recovery day!!! Let’s beat this thing. Xxx
keepcalmipromiseitgetsbetter asked: How are you sweetie?
Anonymous asked: You're beautiful, please stay strong and get better.
10 tags
6.02.2012
Just so no one worries. Admitted to hospital on Saturday morning with bmi of 11.5 weight 77 lbs height 5 ft 10. No Internet to speak of so will update you when they release me. On a drip, and heart monitor. Apparently I am very very anorexic. Even though my mind is still telling me I look like a fat whale. Don’t let this happen to you… I nearly starved myself to death. I’m 23...
12 tags
Journal: 03/02/2012
Weight: 80lbs
How on earth did I come to this? I realised that im killing myself and for what? To be thin? for a thigh gap. So I look like a concentration camp victim? Past few days i’ve woken up in agony. My chest hurts, dragging myself upstairs makes me feel like im dying. I hadn’t realised until now that i’m going to die and soon unless I start eating again. My mum came to...
14 tags
